Happy Birthday Ollie!

Ollie! Today you are 1! One! Numero Uno! It's January 31! This is such an exciting day and as I was looking back at pictures from this last year it's hard to believe all the things you have already done! From your first smile, to crawling, to tasting different baby foods, to precious giggles, to your proud first steps! Ah! It makes me full of joy for you my sweet baby!

Your daddy and I love you so much and love seeing you grow into the big one year old that you now are;) You start giving kisses to us and we immediately drift off to complete bliss. You will even bend now and give Bruce a "kiss', which you just basically put you face close to him and then pull away. Ha. It's the cutest thing ever. 

You are walking. Not completely. But just starting. You started a few weeks ago and have been cruisin' your way to the top! You can take up to 30 steps in a row! Your daddy and I will sit on opposite sides of the living room and you will make your way back and forth, smiling the entire way. 

You also love to dance. No surprise. Your dad always says "you're your mamas girl" as bounce those cute lil' chubby legs of yours (I secretly love when he says that).

You are starting to get a little tooth on the top now. It's not quite breaking through. But we see it. And daddy and I literally cheered for 5 minutes. Good job. 

We will be heading back to Nebraska today to celebrate your birthday with friends and family! Hooray! 

Last night when dad got home from a late night at work he mentioned where we were at this time the previous year, I hadn't even thought about being in the hospital that night, scared to death to have you...We talked about how your heart rate had dropped twice that night and we starting getting concerned. We talked about how at 8:00 the next morning we decided to go with the c section, and ten minutes later we were in the OR. We talked about your arrival- how when you cried and cried and daddy was asked the nurses "Do they always cry this much?" ;) It's been one year since that day! The day your sweet face changed our lives!

Ollie Lucille, you are the love of our life! We cherish you immensely and pray all the time for you and your future. Your daddy expresses serious concern about the world you will be growing up in if Jesus doesn't come back in our time...and it is very scary and you are going to need to be very prepared. We are hoping that we can help you as much as we can, but we know it is in God's hand. We try not to take any moment for granted as we all know, the years go by quick! Keep snuggling with us and blessing us with your kisses! We love you very much!

Mom & Dad

Wake Up Call.

These last few weeks have been a little rough around the edges here. Adam has just been super busy at work and has been working til 10, 11, midnight. Fun. So, I feel like it's been me and my precious Ol holding down the fort in the evenings. Last night was not a night for sleep. Adam got home at 11:30, Ollie went to bed early, but then at 10 she started fussing and moving and just couldn't get comfortable. She would toss and turn and then be silent for 15 seconds and repeat. I swear I got 3 hours of sleep. Max. I was feeling sorry for myself this morning as I tried to let get Ollie ready and let Adam sleep in as late as possible. I got to school and checked my email. I found out that one of my students who had been gone the whole past week.... her baby sister had died. She had twin baby siblings around 4-5 months. Tiny things. I remember her mom being super mom and coming to PT conferences like the day after she was released from the hospital, toting twins in their little carriers! Mom of the year, I tell ya. Anyways, I went and talked to some other teachers who have siblings of the baby as well and they told me the baby had a fever and went to the doctor last week, doc said to go back home because they couldn't find anything, and then that night the baby passed. As I left the other teacher's room I could feel the tear swelling up and starting to roll just in time as I reached my classroom. I just cried and cried and then tried to wipe my tears before the first bell rang. I couldn't imagine looking over at my baby who just stopped breathing, and was gone, just like that. I emailed Adam and told him how we need to appreciate Ollie at ALL times and not just in her good and EASY times...I told him the story of the precious baby who died and the grieving mom who told us she tried to pull it together while her other kids were around...and then when they weren't, she'd just break down. I prayed and prayed and am still praying for the family and that mom. Almost every time I pray, I cry. Sadness. As I gave Ollie a bath tonight I just couldn't imagine life without her. Adam reminded me that God gives and takes away. For His glory. And I know that. But sometimes it's just hard to comprehend. I know that He knows more than me and I need to trust Him. Adam told me once that he heard if God's knowledge was like an ocean, ours would be if we took a pop can and filled it up with the ocean water. We think we know what's best for us but all we know is that small container that looks full to us. We can't even fathom outside that container, let alone the ocean and it's entirety.

I guess today has been the ultimate reminder to me of many things. And I am starting to try and thank God for the undesirable situations that I may be in because I know He knows what is best, not myself.  

 I love this song, If You Want Me To, by Ginny Owens. A reminder to stay strong for His purposes and to glorify Him, even if we can't see how the situation could. 

Mom Stuff

With Ollie almost turning a year I have had many thoughts and doubts running through my head lately, as far as being a mom. Ollie still isn't sleeping through the night. She wakes up a couple of times a night...still. She is super picky with food...why, I don't know? I feel like I have tried lots of different foods and even try to "disguised" them...nope. She shoves the spoon outta her face in a "don't want it, don't care" kind of attitude. I feel like she cries more than the average baby. She just complains and cries about the littlest thing. A little over-dramatic...a LOT over-dramatic. You give her the wrong look-tears. She barley hits her hand on something- tears. You leave her in her room for one second while you run to the bathroom-outburst of tears. Ahh! To get her to sleep she has to be held while having soft music playing while in the perfect setting. (The other day Adam and I were watching our neighbor's boy who is only a month older then Ol, all we had to do for nap time, was just put him in the crib! Really! He just put himself to sleep for his nap!!! whhhattt?! Adam and I were amazed (and a little jealous-not gonna lie). Anyways, I sat down with Adam the other night and just started bawling. I feel like I am not being an all around great mom?! Don't get me wrong, there are a million of sweet, precious moments and a million more funny and sassy moments with my little Ollie-doll and in that moment in time I am 100% and feeling good, like any mom would probably...but man, sometimes I just stare at her after 30 minutes of tears are streaming down her chubby lil cheeks and want to shout out "what do you want sweetie?!!! I've tried everything I can think of! I just wish I could read that child's mind! I know I'm not the only mom that feels this way, but sometimes when I look around at my friends' babies I can't help but to compare when they say their child has been sleeping through the night since 4 months...Ahhhhh! Seriously!

I saw this link on Facebook the other day and it just gave me a sense of relief. I feel like there are so many things when raising a child that you "have" to do...and a lot of those things haven't worked for Adam, Ollie, and me! It's super frustrating. This article meant more to me in the sense that one way isn't necessarily the right way. So true! I would read one article on a topic and then the next artile would contradict it in every aspect. What the heck?! What am I suppose to do? Or try to do? I realize that it is just whatever works best for you and your babe. You hear it a thousand times, but for some reason, a quick look at these pics really helped me with these feelings of not being "good enough".   

 Here is the link to the article and all that jazz!

Ollie @ 11 Months

You are growing up big girl and almost 1! You turned 11 months on New Year's Eve! Let's see...you still only have two teeth on the bottom, you loveeee Bruce, you love pointing, when we play peek-a-boo you put your hands over your ears instead of your eyes (it's the cutest thing ever, by the way), you aren't sleeping through the night yet, and you talk in a sing-songy, adorable kinda way. You still continue your hatred for the car. 5 minutes or 5 hours. Car rides is when your mama breaks. She goes crazy. So, we try to stay home as much as humanly possible. You love the wind and cold weather! We get you all bundled up and you can go from screaming to laughing in a matter of seconds as soon as we step outside. I think the outdoors and you are going to be good friends.

Mom had Christmas break and you guys LOVED hanging out, just the two of you, all day. She cried multiple times the day before she had to go back to school:( You got her and your daddy wrapped around your chubby, cute, lil 11 month year old finger! 

Playing with the girly makeup set that cousins Mason and Weston got you for Christmas!

You and mom shopping.

You like sticking out your tongue.

Best buds hang out under tables.

This was not set up! Seriously. Truths. 

This made me nervous...

And then this happened...!

Mean mom had to take a picture before she got me out.

You and Bruce playing hide n go seek;)

Lovin my outfit from Cousin Crosbi Lu!

"Waiter, put this on my dad's credit card...."

When she found out Wichita was the #1 worst dressed city in the US. #1 people! ;) (Actually this is when she does peek-a-boo)

We love you little Lu or "Bumble bee tuna" as your dad calls you for no reason at all...it's kinda weird-sorry! Next month, we party!