These last few weeks have been a little rough around the edges here. Adam has just been super busy at work and has been working til 10, 11, midnight. Fun. So, I feel like it's been me and my precious Ol holding down the fort in the evenings. Last night was not a night for sleep. Adam got home at 11:30, Ollie went to bed early, but then at 10 she started fussing and moving and just couldn't get comfortable. She would toss and turn and then be silent for 15 seconds and repeat. I swear I got 3 hours of sleep. Max. I was feeling sorry for myself this morning as I tried to let get Ollie ready and let Adam sleep in as late as possible. I got to school and checked my email. I found out that one of my students who had been gone the whole past week.... her baby sister had died. She had twin baby siblings around 4-5 months. Tiny things. I remember her mom being super mom and coming to PT conferences like the day after she was released from the hospital, toting twins in their little carriers! Mom of the year, I tell ya. Anyways, I went and talked to some other teachers who have siblings of the baby as well and they told me the baby had a fever and went to the doctor last week, doc said to go back home because they couldn't find anything, and then that night the baby passed. As I left the other teacher's room I could feel the tear swelling up and starting to roll just in time as I reached my classroom. I just cried and cried and then tried to wipe my tears before the first bell rang. I couldn't imagine looking over at my baby who just stopped breathing, and was gone, just like that. I emailed Adam and told him how we need to appreciate Ollie at ALL times and not just in her good and EASY times...I told him the story of the precious baby who died and the grieving mom who told us she tried to pull it together while her other kids were around...and then when they weren't, she'd just break down. I prayed and prayed and am still praying for the family and that mom. Almost every time I pray, I cry. Sadness. As I gave Ollie a bath tonight I just couldn't imagine life without her. Adam reminded me that God gives and takes away. For His glory. And I know that. But sometimes it's just hard to comprehend. I know that He knows more than me and I need to trust Him. Adam told me once that he heard if God's knowledge was like an ocean, ours would be if we took a pop can and filled it up with the ocean water. We think we know what's best for us but all we know is that small container that looks full to us. We can't even fathom outside that container, let alone the ocean and it's entirety.
I guess today has been the ultimate reminder to me of many things. And I am starting to try and thank God for the undesirable situations that I may be in because I know He knows what is best, not myself.
I love this song, If You Want Me To, by Ginny Owens. A reminder to stay strong for His purposes and to glorify Him, even if we can't see how the situation could.
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